Treat mistakes as feedbacks from GOD

COPIED FROM “BEING HAPPY” BY ANDREW MATTHEWS

There was a fellow lamenting the fact that GOD never spoke to him. “Why doesn’t the God Lord ever send me messages like he seems to send to other people?” he asked of his friend. “But the Lord does communicate with you”, assured his buddy. “He communicates with you through your mistakes.”

Mistakes are feedback on how we are doing. Winners make far more mistakes than losers. That is why they are winners. They are getting more feedback as they continue to try more possibilities. The only trouble with losers is that they regard a mistake as such a big event while failing to recognize the positive side to making mistakes.

We learn far more from our losses than we do from our victories. When we lose, we contemplate, we analyze, we regroup, and we plan a new strategy. When we win, we simply celebrate, and learn very little. Another reason to welcome our errors.

The story of Thomas Edison is legendary, where a particular gentleman inquired of the inventor how it felt to have failed so many times in his efforts to produce an electric light bulb. Edison replied that he had not failed at all, but rather he had successfully found thousands of ways how not to make a light bulb! That kind of healthy attitude towards mistakes enabled Edison to make a contribution to the world which rivals that of almost anyone in history.

Mistakes are not really mistakes. Let’s expect to make some errors in judgment and welcome them as part of the learning process. Also, if we don’t take ourselves too seriously, it is a whole lot easier to live with a few mistakes. The shame is never in having failed – the shame is only in not having tried.

Add a comment August 25, 2010

ELEVENTH HOUR PRINCIPLE

COPIED FROM “BEING HAPPY” BY ANDREW MATTHEWS

In seeking goals, it is important to know about these “eleventh hours.”

Have you ever noticed in life that things can look really bleak just before a dramatic turn for the better? The businessman reports that just before he made his fortune, he was about to quit. Perhaps you have had the experience. Life is like that because there is a principle at work here – the ‘eleventh hour’ principle. it is always darkest and coldest just before the dawn. But if we hang on long enough, we will get our rewards.

If we look at childbirth, we see the principle in evidence also. Just before the most incredible gift of life, the mother-to-be has her patience truly tested and undergoes considerable pain and anguish. (My mother said it was all worth it.)

Once we recognize the eleventh hour for what it is, life loses a lot of its trauma. In effect, the universe often seems to be testing us to see if we are serious about attaining our goal. If we hang on that little bit longer….BINGO!

Once we realized what was happening, we can actually be one step ahead. When everything looks bleak, we can then tell ourselves, “So everything is going wrong! This could mean that everything that I have been striving for is just around the corner.” Then we should feel better.

We will generally be tested in some way before achieving something of value. If we can pick the eleventh hour for what it is; and treat any difficulties as a necessary part of the process of achievement, then, firstly we won’t be quitters, and secondly, we will achieve whatever we desire in life.

Don’t be fooled. The eleventh hour is usually an impostor. When everything looks black, it could be time to celebrate. You may be nearly home.

—

Losing hurts but it hurts even more when you realize that you haven’t done your best.

Add a comment August 25, 2010

REASON OR RESULTS

COPIED FROM “BEING HAPPY” BY ANDREW MATTHEWS

The bottom line is always ”ARE YOU HAPPY DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING?”

Let’s take a fellow who is on his job he hates, earning less than he wants, missing out on the holidays and trips that he would love to take, he is lonely, depressed, he has never done the things he said he wanted to do with his short stay on this planet.

But he has got all of these great reasons for why he is where he is! He has a mental list. He blames the government. He blames his wife, he blames his kids, he blames his star sign, he blames his boss, the economy, and he blames his bad luck and his bad back and his lack of education and his brother-in-law. And there is more!

Somehow he arrived at the idea that if you have enough excuses and things to blame, it is OK to be miserable. NO! NO! NO! It is not OK; in life we have either reasons or results. Some people get the idea that they both weight the same. They don’t.

You can have a list as long as your arm or as long as the street. It does not count for anything! Nothing! If you are not living the life you want to live, doing the things you really want to do, loving the person you really want to love, no excuse is any compensation.

When we take a look around, we can find all kinds of people beating the odds. We see people achieving and happy with no education, people making money in the current economic climate, people who have lifted their marriages from the ashes and fallen back in love. These are the people who are demonstrating to us that results are the only things that matter.

The enjoyment we derive from life is inversely proportional to how much we blame our circumstances. You have but one life to lead. If you go to the grave with a list of “reasons why I didn’t” as long as your street, all it means is that YOU DIDN’T.

Add a comment August 25, 2010

LIVE LIFE WITHOUT LIMITATIONS

COPIED FROM “BEING HAPPY” BY ANDREW MATTHEWS

LIMITATIONS

“Whether you think you will succeed or not, you are right.” – Henry Ford

The only thing that limits our achievements is the thought that we can’t achieve. It is really not news to everybody that people who say they can, can, and people who say they can’t, can’t.

One man says, “I guess I will always be a battler.” He stops learning, ignores opportunity, won’t work late, won’t save, won’t try because “it is no use anyway”. Lo and behold, his prophecy is proven correct. He never makes it.

Another man says, “I will succeed. I will do whatever it takes.” And the man does it!

It is worthwhile remembering that there are pay-offs in both approaches. The first fellow gets to avoid responsibility. He can always say, “It’s all too difficult – you do it for me.” He escapes having to exercise the personal discipline which would bring about her success. He may even get some sympathy. Playing dumb and incapable can be very smart and very convenient.

LIFE IS WORTHLESS UNLESS YOU GIVE IT VALUE

“Nothing matters to the man who says nothing matters.”

Life in itself has no value. Just because we are here does not mean that our lives have any value. Ultimately, only we decided whether our stay on this planet is to be our privilege and our joy, or whether it is to be a sentence of misery and despair.

If Fred is on the verge of suicide, and he says to us, “What is the point of it all? It is not worth the struggle!”, then that is Fred’s reality, which he has created. And so his life is worth a little.

There is not much we can do to change things for Fred. How do you get Fred excited about life if he does not want to jump for joy? You may be moved by walks along a sandy beach. You may be enthralled by that marvelous fluffy creation that is a kitten. You may thrill to the taste of avocados melting in your mouth. All these joys are available to Fred too but it is up to him to take it all or not.

Ultimately we each make decision as to whether we will focus on our awareness such that each walk in the country, each hot shower, each apple we eat, each conversation we have, each long ride we take, is a new experience, and not a replay of past events.

Life is not dull. There are only dull people who see their world through muddy, tainted glasses. Many people die at twenty five and don’t get buried until they are seventy. It is a mystery to me why some people see beauty and magic everywhere they look, while others remain unmoved.

However much beauty and magic you have enjoyed up until now, you can choose to have more from today. It is choice time, every day.

Add a comment August 25, 2010

Being Happy: Positivity!!!

COPIED FROM “BEING HAPPY” BY ANDREW MATTHEWS

LAUGH IT OFF!

Let us assume that you are broke and you have just smashed your car, you are going through a divorce and the roof is leaking. If all that is going on, why make things worse by being unhappy as well?

The art of being happy involves being able to laugh at difficulties as soon as possible after they happen. One person would resist laughing for two years. Another may decide that after two weeks, it is time to stop crying and start laughing. Therefore, the first person gets to stay miserable for fifty times longer than the other one. AND HE CHOSE TO.

WE ALL SUFFER MISFORTUNES. HAPPY PEOPLE CHOOSE TO AVOID WAITING TOO LONG TO SEE THE FUNNY SIDE OF THEIR DISAPPOINTMENTS.

My observation has been that the universe is essentially fairly forgiving, but that if a person consistently concentrates on what he doesn’t have, he will get less and less of what he wants. I have also found that those people who have the most beautiful friendships and those who lead active and fulfilling lives are the people who are consistently rejoicing in what life gives them.

It appears many cases we are socially conditioned to look at the negative side of life. It there are ten things going right and one thing wrong, we tend to draw attention to what is wrong. When junior gets eleven out of twenty in Math test, we don’t concentrate on the eleven he got right but on the nine that he missed. When we have a headache, we don’t say “my chest, stomach, legs and arms feel great!” We say, “My head hurts!” We worry about the lipstick on our collar and don’t rejoice on the fact that 99% of our shirt is clean. Too many people believe that being realistic and being rational is a matter of focusing on faults.

Somebody once commented, “if you are being miserable about all the things you want but haven’t got, think about all the things you don’t want and haven’t got!” That’s positivity!

Add a comment August 25, 2010

Being Happy: Deal With Depression

(copied from “Being Happy” by Andrew Matthews)

DEALING WITH DEPRESSION

Everyone of us goes through times when life seems extremely difficult – we are left alone, we can’t pay the bills, we have lost our job or we have lost a loved one. At these times we wonder how we will possibly make it through the next week. Somehow, we usually do!

It is possible to lose our perspective, and to paint the picture gloomier than it really is. We look toward a future which seems to be a minefield of problems and wonder how any human being could cope with what we face.

A person embarking on a day’s march would be foolish to carry enough provisions for a lifetime. It is not strange, then, that many people carry around all their worries for the next twenty five years and wonder why life is so difficult? We were designed to live twenty four hours at a time. No more. It is pointless worrying about tomorrow’s problems today.

Next time you find yourself despairing, ask yourself these questions –

Have I got enough air to breathe? Have I enough food for today?

(if the answer is YES, things are already looking up!)

We often overlook the fact that our most important needs are being met. I like the story of a man who phoned Dr. Robert Schuller. The conversation went this way.

The man said, “It’s over. I’m finished. All my money has gone. I’ve lost everything.”

Dr. Schuller asked, “Can you still see?”

The man replied, “Yes, I can still see.”

Schuller asked, “Can you still walk?”

The man said, “Yes, I can still walk.”

Schuller said, “Obviously you can still hear or you wouldn’t have phoned me.”

“Yes, I can still hear.”

“Well,” Schuller said, “I figure you have got about everything left. All you have lost is your money!”

Another question we can ask ourselves is, “What is the worst that could happen? And if it did, would I still be alive?” so often, we magnify things out of proportion. The worst that could happen is probably very inconvenient, but not the end of the world.

The next question is to ask yourself, “Am I taking myself too seriously?” have you ever notices that you can lose a week’s sleep over something that your friends would never give a second thought? This is often because we take ourselves too seriously. We figure the whole world is watching. It is not. And so what if it is? No doubt you are living your life the best way you know how.

Next question, “What am I learning from this situation?” With hindsight, looking through a “retrospectoscope”, we can generally learn from our difficult times. The hard bit is being balanced and aware enough to learn while we are suffering – or why we are suffering. The happiest people tend to be able to always see their hard times as a valuable learning experience. They keep their chins up, they keep a smile on their faces, and they know things will improve and that they will emerge from their trials better people. This is easier said than done.

Another question is: if things really seem serious, will I be OK for the next five minutes? Once you have made it through those five minutes, just aim at getting through the next five. Bite off one small chunk at a time. It saves a lot of indigestion. Also, keep yourself busy. We always feel so much better when we are busy.

Probably the greatest way to feel better about yourself is to do something for somebody else. Excessive worry and self-pity grow out of preoccupation. The moment you start to make other people happy, you feel better! It is automatic! It is simple. And wonderful!

Add a comment August 25, 2010

Being Happy: “I’ll be happy when…..”

(copied from “Being Happy” by Andrew Matthews)

If we’re unhappy, it’s because life is not as we want it. Life is not matching our expectations of how it “ought” to be and so we’re “unhappy”.

So we say, “I’ll be happy when….” Well, life is NOT perfect. Life is about being exhilarated, frustrated, sometimes achieving and sometimes missing out. So long as we say “I’ll be happy when…”, we’re deluding ourselves.

Happiness is a DECISION. Many people live life as if someday they’ll arrive at “happiness” like one arrives at a bus stop. They figure that someday everything will fall into place, they will take deep breath and say, “Here I am at last…HAPPY!” Hence, their life story is one of “I’ll be happy when….”

Each one of us has a decision to make. Are we prepared to daily remind ourselves that we have only limited time to make the most of what we’ve got, or we while away the present, hoping for a better future?

The following piece was written by an 85 year old man who learned that he was dying. It is particularly relevant.

“If I had my life to live over again, I’d try to make more mistakes next time. I wouldn’t be so perfect. I would relax more. I’d limber up. I’d be sillier than I’ve been on this trip. In fact, I know very few things that I would take so seriously. I’d be crazier. I’d be less hygienic.”

“I’d take more chances, I’d take more trips, I’d climb more mountains, and I’d swim more rivers. I’d go more places I’ve never been to. I’d eat more ice cream and fewer beans.”

“I’d have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones!”

“You see, I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely hour after hour and day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments – moment by moment by moment.”

“Ive been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had to do it all over again, I’d travel lighter next time.”

“If I had to do it all over again, I’d start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay way later in the fall. I’d ride more merry-go-rounds, I’d watch more sunrises, and I’d play with more children, if I had my life to live over again.”

“But you see, I don’t.”

Isn’t this message a beautiful reminder? We only have so long on this planet. Let’s make the most out of it. The old man realized that, in order to be happier, in order to get more out of life, he didn’t have to go and change the world. The world is already beautiful. He had to change himself.

The world is not “perfect”. The degree of our unhappiness is the distance between the way things are and the way they “ought” to be. If we cease to demand that things be perfect, the business of being happy becomes easier. We then choose to have preferences for the way things might be, and decide that if our preferences are not met, we will be happy anyway.

As the Indian guru once told a pupil who was in desperate search of contentment, “I will give you the secret. If you want to be happy, BE HAPPY!”

Add a comment August 25, 2010

Being Happy: Happiness is a choice

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.” So said Abraham Lincoln. It is not what happens to us in life that determines our happiness so much as the way we react to what happens.

Fred might, on just having lost his job, decide that he now has the opportunity to have a new work experience, to explore new possibilities and to exercise his independence in the workplace. His brother Bill might, under the same circumstances, decide to jump off a twenty-storey building and end his life. Given the same situation, one man rejoices while the other man commits suicide! One man sees disaster and the other man sees opportunity.

I may have simplified things a little here but the fact remains that we decide how we react in life. and even if we lose control, which is a decision that we make. We perhaps decide, “Things are getting a little too difficult for me. I think I will lose my mind for a while!”

Being happy is not always easy, though. It can be one of the greatest challenges that we face and can sometimes take all the determination, persistence and self-discipline that we can muster. Maturity means taking responsibility for our own happiness and choosing to concentrate on what we have got rather than what we haven’t.

We are necessarily in control of our own happiness as we decide the thoughts we think. No one else puts thoughts in our mind. To be happy, we need to concentrate on happy thoughts. How often, though, do we do the opposite? How often do we ignore the compliments that are paid to us yet dwell on unkind words for weeks afterwards? If you allow a bad experience or nasty remark to occupy your mind, you will suffer the consequences. Remember, you are in control of your own mind.

Most people remember compliments for a few minutes and insults for years. They become garbage collectors, carrying around trash that was thrown at them twenty years ago. Mary may be heard to say, “I still remember how he said that I was fat and stupid back in 1963!” any compliments Mary received even yesterday will probably have been forgotten but she is still carting around the 1963 trash.

I remember, aged twenty five, waking up one day and deciding that I had enough of being miserable. I thought to myself, “if you are going to be really happy person someday, why don’t you start now?” That day I decided to be a whole lot happier than I had ever been before. I was stunned. It actually worked!

I then began to ask other people how they came to be so happy. Invariably, their answer reflected my experience exactly. They would say, “I had enough misery, heartache, loneliness and I decided to change things.”

IN A NUTSHELL

Being happy can be hard work sometimes. It is like maintaining a nice home – you’ve got to hang on to your treasures and throw out the garbage. Being happy requires looking for good things. One person sees the beautiful view and the other sees the dirty window. You choose what you see and you choose what you think.

Kazantzakis said, “You have your brush and colors. You paint paradise, and then in you go.”

Add a comment August 25, 2010